Because In Middle School, Everyone’s Soul Is a Black Abyss

1 Feb

Earlier last August, my brother entered middle school, and it was around this time that he decided that he was G—yeah, he’s gangsta’. Apparently, though, you don’t have be a thug to be gangsta’ anymore.

If my brother is anything to go by, the process of become a legit gangsta’ is something like this:

1. Buy some expensive clothes that are big enough to fit the bear at your local zoo.

2. Put the clothes on the bear—hope he doesn’t rip them—and let him wear them for a few days.Why My Brother is G

3. Take the clothes back (Oh, and if you wanna seem extra legit, let the bear hit you a couple of times and tell everyone you got in a fight).

4. Wear the clothes.

5. Abandon all concepts of grammar and utilize some gangsta’ colloquialisms (ex. Homie, legit, fo’ realz, hustla, crib, etc.)

6. Randomly punch something (like a wall or a human), just to let people know that you’re serious.

On some level though, I can understand this. Middle school is crap. It’s crap for everyone. There’s something about it that makes us try to fit an image and fail misarably.

I was a nerdy kid in middle school with a fierce obsession with Harry Potter and Buffy the Vampire Slayer—but I would’ve jumped at the chance to be considered gangsta’. But as things were, I just did my best to be Buffy. Sure, I didn’t have tight clothes, but I did have black clothes. Same Thing, right?

Why I was Buffy

I could have been a vampire slayer

Fo’ Realz.

I noticed too, that a similar phenomena occurred to many of the other girls:

Why I went to school with JLo

I figure if my idol was Buffy, their makeup and skimpy outfits must mean they wanted to be JLo

So, I reasoned Josh’s strange behavior and wardrobe choices are likely because of this:

Why My brother is so gangsta'

T-Pain: one of my brother's many idols.

Clearly, this is the only reasonable explanation.

2 Responses to “Because In Middle School, Everyone’s Soul Is a Black Abyss”

  1. averystrangeplace at 8:13 pm #

    When I was in middle school, I just wore a fancy hat and everybody said “Whoa. That guy has a fancy hat.”
    And that is why I am king.

  2. Michelle at 10:36 am #

    Love this! It’s so true.

    I love the style of your blog. It reminds me of Hyperbole and a Half, one of my favorites. I’ll definitely be looking out for more of your posts 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: