The Art in Breaking Glasses (part 1)

20 Mar

I have the amazing capacity to destroy glasses. Sunglasses, eye glasses, those cheap dollar store star glasses—they come to me to die. With sun glasses and cheap novelty glasses, it’s no big deal because they’re uber cheap. However, when it comes to prescription glasses my clumsiness is a problem—it’s probably been around a $300 problem, as a matter of fact.

In fact, turning perfectly strong lenses and frames into a crumpled mess of metal and glass shards is almost an expertise of mine. So, if figured, why not impart some of my wisdom unto the internets, right? Right.

My first two pairs were frameless and almost invisible, unless I was wearing them. When I was wearing they were obvious and awkward…

My dad said frame-less glasses look classy... but, as a 13 year old, classy wasn't what I was going for O-O

With both of these glasses they would go missing until I found them… under my foot and in a 90 degree angle. At least one of the lenses popped out, and, even though they were only on my floor, they looked like they had been mauled by a bear.


Really, though, the process of obliterating a good pair of glasses begins with losing them—the best destruction occurs when you’re not looking. Now, I’m not saying choose a place and stash ‘em there. No. If you just toss them somewhere you’ll know where they are, and a good, proper amount of destruction will never occur. Instead, just be careless with them. Leave ‘em on the table, in the car, in the bathroom. Soon enough, they’ll be long gone, and, search as you might, in all the obvious places, you’ll never find them. Great.

Well, that's supposed to be a tire rolling over a pair of glasses... but it kinda just looks like grey yarn casting a shadow

Now, comes the fun part. Leave your shoes on when you walk about the house, or, at least, some socks. The time will come when you will find them—where? Beneath your foot as you take a step, Beneath a box as you set it down, or even beneath your tire after you’ve set you’re your car in reverse. Fun times.

Having lost your glasses and, then, found them again just after you’ve crushed them beyond repair, feel free to admire your work– Well, as best as you can without your glasses.





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