Prom, Shoes, and Cat Oatmeal

25 May

I’ve been trying out Atlanta’s spread of restaurants lately with my parents (clearly, they were paying). There have been some pretty terrible restaurants and some pretty awesome ones, but, no matter the restaurant, there are always girls in prom dresses.

Sure, it’s spring in Atlanta, and we’re still on the cusp of prom season, so this should be expected. When I look at them, though, I can’t help but think of my senior prom… it was such a strange experience.

For us ladies, prom begins with a dress. In this particular case, my friend picked the dress out—without me even there. She was at JC Pennys or Macys or… one of those crazy prom dress stores, and calls me:

Her: Hey Erica! I’ve been shopping for prom dresses, and I found this one dress that would look fantastic on you!

What-I-Said: Right. Okay. Cool!

This was a mistake.

I tried it on when she gave it to me, but I reckon that having a tank-top on while trying it on was enough to distort the shape.

Come prom day, I slip the dress on, and realize that this dress was meant for… women who were “more endowed” than I am.

That made sense, right?

“Better endowed”; “has more assests”; well, “large breasted” would be the most direct way of putting it… (awkward phrasing is awkward). Regardless, I had to bobby-pin the straps up to make it fit. Then I spent the entire night looking down—to make the bobby pins were doing their job. Yeah.

(Side note: They actually worked very well. Bobby Pins are like the duct tape of clothing.)

The seven of us—two couples, me, and two other singles girls—left for prom late in the day. It was in a beautiful venue, a very swanky, high end hotel in Atlanta. The dancing had already started when we get there, so we chose a table, set our shoes beneath it, and went off for the dancing.

The couples ditched us immediately and were nowhere to be seen until the end of the dance.

This left me and my two single friends. For the sake of the story, we’ll call them Can-Dance and Thinks-She-Can-Dance.

Both of them, by the way, can dance better than me. My dancing ability is somewhere between Babe Pig in the City and a sleeping bear.

Here’s a highly scientific chart of dancing ability:

Personally, I thought Carlton was a quite good dancer. It takes talent to do what he did. That’s why I placed him above Babe the Pig.

Well, I started perfecting my side sway to the beat of whatever song turns up, and I think, “Yeah, I’m pretty good at this blending in thing.”

Then I see Can-Dance and Thinks-She-Can-Dance lock eyes… not in a romantic way, but in a scheming, conniving, shenanigans type of way. All of the sudden, they come at me, force me between them, and start dancing with me in the middle.

“Come on, Erica, dance!”

They say it over and over and over, and they will not stop until I submit to their demands.

It still sends chills down my spine.

I mean– think about it. It was like playing monkey in the middle… but there was nothing to catch AND tackling one of them would be totally inappropriate.

PLUS, they were in my bubble—too close, man. Too. Close.

Well, now that I think about it maybe I should have tackled one of them. They were so close I probably could have tackled both of them in one fell swoop—two birds with one stone, you know.

Eventually, I cracked.

I needed my bubble back… I needed to know that there was some peace to be found in this cruel, cruel world.

I did one of the two dances I knew how to do:

The Macarena.

(At no point in this song do the Teletubies actually do the Macarena. In fact, I’m pretty sure they’re doing the Electric Slide. Either way, this is probably the best version of the Macarena on YouTube)

It’s a dance that really only requires the use of your hands, and I liked it for its simplicity. But this did not satiate them. They were like puppies. They needed to be both fed and watered– and would not leave me alone until they got it…

… so I did “the sprinkler”.

Not one of my better moments.

(Between this and the Teletubbies, I probably won’t be able to sleep for the next week…)

It worked,  sort of. They stopped asking me to dance for a while. Then, when they came within a five-foot radius of me, all I need to do was “the sprinkler”, and they would giggle and leave.

I like to think that if I were a sprinkler that I’d be one of those fancy, motion-activated ones… I don’t know if I’m even being metaphorical here. Probably not.

After all, if you’re going to be any sprinkler, why not be a classy sprinkler?

So, I spent four hours with my sway, my sprinkler, the refreshments, and random groups of people, until midnight came.

The adults begin ushering everyone out, so I go to collect my stuff. My group meets by the table to gather shoes–

And my shoes weren’t there.

I searched up and down our table and begin searching other tables. By the time I get three tables out, my group begins to search with me. We search the tables, the dance floor, the refreshments… underneath, on top, and behind everything. My shoes were gone.

Someone took my shoes.

… Thieves…

Stolen: My Shoes
Reward: A Hug…

I was in Atlanta. We were going to have to walk around the block to get to our ride, and, now, I’d have to do it barefoot…it’s a cruel, cruel world, indeed.

Eventually, one of the adults took pity on me and passed me some flip-flops from the “LOST & FOUND” bin, which I wore the rest of the night. Who knows where those flip-flops had been, but it seemed like they were better than the streets of Atlanta after midnight.

The shoes were never found. I can only hope that they’re in a better place now.

SENTIMENTAL STUFF:

So I recently hit 200 subscribers and was nominated for the “Beautiful Blogger Award”—which is awesome, because what better way is there to celebrate than by promoting other people 😀

First: I got the award from Kay Rice at Words from Ashes http://wordsfromtheashes.com/2012/05/20/beautiful-blogger-award-received-today/

Second: I was asked to nominate/pass on this award to seven people. I have no idea if y’all have gotten the award yet, though I tried to make sure you hadn’t.

  1. Shannon at Teens Read Too http://trtoo.wordpress.com/
  2. Ezra at Ezra Won’t Shut Up http://ezrawontshutup.wordpress.com/
  3. Bridget at Bridget’s Books http://bridgetsbooks.wordpress.com/
  4. Emily at AGIRLCALLEDEMILY http://agirlcalledemily.wordpress.com/
  5. Ethel the Dean at Rant and Roll http://rantandrollallnight.wordpress.com/
  6. Ara at The Thing Is, Ara http://hokiedokieartichokie.wordpress.com/
  7.  All of you lovely people who have felt the pain of a deadline– but choose to procrastinate anyway

Third:

If you choose to accept the award, just copy the image over to your blog. List where you got it from and pass it along to seven other people. Have fun!

ALSO:

I just saw a commercial for McDonald’s Oatmeal where the lady is like, “This oatmeal is so awesome I’ll blog about it!” Then, the lady next to her pulls out her iPhone and says, “It’s gone viral!”

It really just begs the question: what the hell was in that cup of oatmeal??

A finger, maybe… or a cat.

Cat’s are always going viral.

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9 Responses to “Prom, Shoes, and Cat Oatmeal”

  1. Erica May 26, 2012 at 7:02 pm #

    This was quite an amusing story! Much better than my senior prom… which I skipped out on. xD

  2. kaleidoscope49 May 26, 2012 at 7:27 pm #

    Well, the Macarena is a perfectly valid dance, and I’m saying that as a college dance major who takes ballet five days a week during the regular school year. Anyway, I just thought I’d jump in here to say that I love your blog. 🙂

  3. sstults7 May 27, 2012 at 1:14 pm #

    Thanks for the award!!! I made sure to pass it on. Hope you are enjoying your summer! 😀

  4. averystrangeplace May 27, 2012 at 9:56 pm #

    If dancing was a raccoon, I’d be a can of Pringles: We have nothing to do with each other, and any attempts to combine the two will always end in a very sad raccoon.

    • Erica May 27, 2012 at 10:03 pm #

      Well, according to the highly factual and scientific movie, “Over the Hedge”, raccoons will gladly risk their lives to steal a can of pringles–
      unless you are only the can itself… then, yes, i suppose we’d just have a very confused and disappointed raccoon.

  5. vignetti May 30, 2012 at 2:46 am #

    Girl, I love how you make me laugh. Thanks every time.

  6. EzraWontShutUp May 31, 2012 at 2:20 am #

    1) Thanks for the award. I’m blushing right now.
    2) Yes, awkward moments are awkward.

  7. miss1sue June 11, 2012 at 3:36 pm #

    funny post! I especially enjoyed the dancing scale hahahaha

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. So many thanks! « Bridget's Books - June 4, 2012

    […] me for the Liebster Blog Award and Erica at I Broke My Glasses Again for nominating me for the Beautiful Blogger Award. I’m new to this whole “blogging award” thing so bear with me while I try to […]

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