The Land Before Time MCIIVI: Never Enough Tree Stars

27 Jul

Hey guys!

Sometimes people ask me a simple question, and I have no idea how to answer. Stumped and confused, I fumble over words until I can change the subject.

The question, though worded differently each time, often has the same meaning:

Hey, what did you do [last night]/[last weekend]/[over the summer]/[during the two weeks you weren’t writing a blog post]?

If this question seems easy to you, it’s because you have a life. It’s because, unlike me, you went out and saw a movie, went to a party, or did anything worth talking about.

So what have it been doing these past two weeks?

Gaming. Playing Dragon Age: Origins, particularly.

This game does to me what the TARDIS does to Doctor Who or what a DeLorean does to Marty McFly.

You use it in the mid-after noon, then, suddenly, you look up and it’s the early morning… three days later and you’re surrounded by empty soda cans that you don’t fully remember drinking.

I’m in my early 20’s and– according to other people’s responses to “what did you do last night?”—this should be the time when I am making loads of bad life choices. Instead, I sit in my comfy chair and play through amazing plot structures and character interactions…

Lately, however, I haven’t been able to play because, in the same room that I’m in, my sister is watching the most annoying movie possible—OMG TREE STARS 😮

My youngest sister got our old VCR working and has been watching The Land Before Time MCVIII: There are Never Enough Tree Stars endlessly– and it is driving me insane.

I doubt there are many of y’all who have not, at some point, watched The Land Before Time, but for those of you who haven’t, here’s a recap:

The Land Before Time stars a little brontosaurus that calls himself “Little Foot”. Why? Because he’s a kid and, thus, has little feet. You would think that might present a problem, particularly when he grows up. It’d become very ironic. Don’t worry, though. As it turns out, Little Foot doesn’t age. Not a problem.

Little Foot has four friends with whom he gets into shenanigans.

There’s Ducky who looks nothing like a duck. She has a voice that is high pitched, annoying, and makes you want to punt her across a football field.

What kind of dinosaur is she? I dunno.

Not a duck.

She has a ‘brother’ named Spike who is about as close to being her actual brother as Spike (from Buffy the Vampire Slayer) is. Nevertheless, she drags him around on their adventures while he just sits there rolling his eyes. True story. He only ever rolls his eyes. Spike never speaks. Ever.

Then you have Cera, who is that kid who just kind of want to punch in the face—that kid on the playground who is loudly proclaiming,

“You better play with me and do what I say, or I won’t play with you anymore and I’ll tell my Dad and the heavens will reign down fire on you and your children and your children’s children.

Then, every time she has a plan, it’s a bad one. If Cera tells you to go left, don’t. You will get stuck in a tar pit. Eaten by a T-Rex. Fall off a cliff. Stuck in quick sand. Mugged.  Just sayin.

There’s also Petrie… he flies. I’m pretty sure that’s all he does.

This group of five spends all their time listening to what their parents say, then doing the exact opposite.

“Don’t go to the edge of the valley, kids. You’ll get eaten.”

Done.

“Stay away from T-Rex’s, kids. They’ll eat you.”

Done. It’s a good thing I taste so delicious!

Oh hey, and what is a ‘tree star’??

It’s a leaf. That’s all. It’s just a leaf.

I think might be going a little bit crazy.

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4 Responses to “The Land Before Time MCIIVI: Never Enough Tree Stars”

  1. agirlcalledemily July 27, 2012 at 11:50 pm #

    I used to love the land before time!! Now, I love this blog post. It was funny 🙂

  2. averystrangeplace July 28, 2012 at 12:56 am #

    Its been a while since I saw “The Land Before Time” but the one thing I remember is Ducky must die.
    Also: You get bonus points for Doctor Who reference.

  3. supashmo July 28, 2012 at 7:39 am #

    I love the first movie, but then the sequels came and the crap began to rain down.

  4. asignoflife July 28, 2012 at 8:35 am #

    I remember watching those as a kid… After I moved, it was the only movie my little brother could find/wanted to watch. I know your pain.

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