Archive | September, 2012

Space Florida: It’s like Florida– In Space!

5 Sep

Hey guys!

I sat  in a Starbucks typing up an essay– which really means watching YouTube videos–when I over hear a couple of hipster-philosophers in their natural environment. This is a rare phenomena that I usually try to avoid… because it gets weird. However, on this occasion, I was too lazy to move my computer elsewhere.

The hipster-philosopher is a particular breed of  human arising from the interbreeding of the Human-Hipster and the Human-Philosopher, as the name would suggest.

The Hipster to Philosopher ratios vary from offspring to offspring, but their outer appearance is generally the same. The clothes are generally old-looking, if not actually old, and the males of this sub-species generally emit the strong aroma of too much cologne OR not enough bathing. This allows them to attract females of a similar sub-species, while turning away females that may not be interested in furthering the Hipster-Philosopher gene line.

There were two of these Hipster-Philosopher types sitting behind me, and me and everyone else in the room could hear their conversation. I’m pretty sure these guys managed to use the words “transcendent”, “existential”, and “gender roles” all in the same sentence. They probably deserve an award for that.

That was my attempt at Human taxonomy… perhaps, this is another reason why I’m going to law school and not medical school.

Speaking of, I’ve decided that I’m not going to be a normal lawyer. I’m gonna be a space lawyer.

Pretty much everything is better when you can put it in space. Everything.

If you wake up one morning and tell your kids that you’re taking a surprise vacation to Florida, you’ll get this reaction:

Because, what’s in Florida, really? Heat. Sweaty college students in costumes. More heat. Some sand. Palm Trees. A large mass of salty water. McDonalds.

BUT, if you tell them that, instead, you’re going to Space Florida, you’ll see this:

Space Florida: The Fun Times Are Never Ending

This is probably why Buzz Lightyear is so much cooler than Woody. Because he’s from space.

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