Archive | December, 2012

Geeking Out a Bit Over Christmas

26 Dec

Hey guys!

I hope you guys had a very lovely Christmas! My Christmas was full of geeky awesomeness, including an entire collection of Shakespeare plays with an embossed cover, the best coffee mug that I’ve ever seen, Christmas dinner that turned into a science experiment, and the new episode of Doctor Who.

[Holy flipping animal crackers y’all. As I am typing this– like right now– my youngest sister has put some batteries in an old Tickle Me Elmo– and it seems to be releasing a death scream and having a seizure at the same time. I might need to obtain some holy water… where does one buy holy water?]

The embossed collection of Shakespeare plays is pretty self-explanatory, but I feel like the coffee mug deserves special attention.

Nothing says ‘Good Morning’ like a coffee mug that’s painted the brightest yellow imaginable.

You may be asking yourself, ‘Well, that’s a pretty mug, but what makes it the ‘world’s best coffee mug”?

Well, there are three reasons:

1) It holds coffee.

Yeah, true story, bro.

Most things made to go with my coffee have earned a spot on my “Favorite Things Ever” list.

2) The line they used makes scansion look cool.

The line is from TS Elliot’s “Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock”. Normally, I don’t like Elliot’s poetry. I find it a bit pretentious and, as a student, annoying. However, this line is awesome– but not because of it’s meaning.
This line is cool because of how you can interpret the scansion. [It’s a fancy word referring to how the syllables in a word are accented. It just gives you a feel for the rhythem of a line. Words can either be accented, which is marked by a –, or unaccented, which is marked with a “U” shape.]

As a student, scansion is usually very painful because, half the time, it’s never very clear why a word is labeled as ‘accented’. BUT here it’s pretty cool.

Why??

Well, the accent pattern of the phrase “coffee spoons” makes a coffee spoon shape!

*Mind Blown*

Woah.

3) This line is super ironic considering they put it on a coffee cup.

This line from TS Eliot’s ‘The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock’ illustrates exactly why context is important, guys.

In short, Mr. Prufrock is a sad sad man.

Being able is ‘measure out [his] life in coffee spoons’ is, more or less, another way of measure how droll and melancholy his life has become. It’s not something to be happy about.

It become especially ironic when you consider that the creators of this cup used this literary reference, bright colors, and old-school typography to attract coffee drinkers, yet the context does not. Irony at its best.

There’s something about waking up to the morning– well, early afternoon most days– to a cup of coffee that causes you to question your life choices while feeding you delicious awesomeness.

[I wanted to get some holy water, but I feel like Elmo is watching me… his big old buggy eyes are just staring me down. Current theories include: possessed by the spirit of a velociraptor… well, that’s the end of the list. Amendments and additional theories are welcome.]

Anyway, Christmas dinner was a science experiment. Unfortunately, it was like one of those chemistry experiments from high school where you put too much of one chemical that you can’t pronounce into another chemical and, somehow, it doesn’t turn the special shade of pink that your chem teacher said it would if you had done it right…

Well, maybe, it’s not at all like that. It also wasn’t like a Myth Buster’s science experiment with explosions, mischief, and chaos… which was slightly disappointing.

I’m not sure where I was going with that.

Point being, cooking is hard and I am not good at it… If you need proof, I’ve actually written about my masterful culinary abilities before.

Then Christmas ended with the lovely new Doctor Who Christmas Special featuring the newest companion, Oswin Oswald, who is really good at dying.

There seem to be a lot of Doctor Who characters that are very good at dying and then not dying and coming back to life…

[Speaking of dying and coming back to life, we stuck the elmo in the closet where its creepy eyes can’t follow me. I’m hoping that, like a Furby, it’ll shut up if no one touches it, goes near it, or says its name out loud. I’m also hoping that, unlike the Furby, it won’t try to murder me in my sleep.]

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the rest of your winter break and that it is not haunted by images of demon-elmo.

Peace out my home slices!

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I’m Not Feelin’ Very 22

10 Dec

I turned 22 the other day, and it was not as I expected.

Like any self-respecting college female, I get most of my life advice from Taylor Swift songs.

Previously, this advice has done me well.  For example:

1. If a guy cheats on you or is a hipster, break up with him. Then cry about it, burn his pictures, remind him over and over that you will never ever ever ever be getting back together, and write a song about it.

2. If a guy you like is getting married to someone else, wait until the wedding starts, sneak in, hide behind the curtains, and then object to the wedding and force him to follow you out of the building. After all, he’s not an independent person with his own mind and doesn’t get a say in who he marries.

3. If people are mean to you, just remember: one day you’ll be famous.

4. Try to compare your love to fairy tales. All the time. All. the. Time.

5. Don’t skip the end of Shakespeare plays. Fun fact, ending up like Romeo and Juliet is never desirable.

It was disappointing, though, when I turned 22 and didn’t feel like dressing up like a hipster, falling love with strangers (stranger danger, y’all), or talking about my ex, like T-Swift said I would.

Being 22 is apparently supposed to be both ‘miserable and magical’… so, something like Harry Potter and the Angst-y Teenage Years would happen.

Needless to say, it didn’t. :/

Not cool T-Swift, not cool.

On a related note, I was originally going to talk about turning 22 in 22 pictures. When I tried that, though, they ended up as some derivative of this:

22.2

22.322.4

I don’t know. I guess there’s something about being the hero of time, a kick-ass physicist, or an Italian plumber that’s just very relateable 😉

As If I Need Another Reason Not To Drive

2 Dec

Hey guys!

The other day I was talking to a friend at work–uuuggghhh, work– and, whilst we were staring at customers like creepers, my friend showed me a neat trick– how to open ketchup like a classy person.

As someone without any etiquette training to speak of, I try to pick up tips on how to be “classy” when I can, so I got her to show me. Now, my friend, let me show you.

This is how I used to open ketchup:

ketchup

Ketchup: Now with .9% ACTUAL TOMATO and 100% FUN!!!

When I opened ketchup, my natural instinct was to tear off a corner and squeeze it out. There’s even an arrow in the top corners telling you to do that.

The corner-tear method is pretty awesome. After all, who doesn’t want to make their french fried and hamburgers look like they were created with the blood of the innocents?!

However, when I saw this new method, I was instantly converted:

ketchup1

Classy Ketchup: Now with .9% ACTUAL TOMATO and 100% LESS MURDER!

Whoa.

She uses her finger nails– though, for those of us that bite our nails, teeth work too if you’re careful to not spill it all over your face– and just tears it across the top.

NOW you got a pocket. You don’t have to create a battle scene with ketchup all over the fallen warriors that were your fries. You can just dip them in without the messy, stickiness. It’s like magic!

If you’re still into creating a battle scene with your fries, you just gotta be a bit more creative. For example, I usually take the ‘ritual-sacrifice-into-a-volcano-of-whirling-death’ method in which my french fry, for the continuance of the human race must sacrifice himself and appease the evil volcano wizards. Then, I eat him and humanity is saved.

However, there was one problem. Only one.

When I asked how she came up with this crazy awesome ketchup method, she said she needs it to drive.

“Wait, what? Driving?” I asked

“Yeah! I can hold the packet with one hand and dip the fry in with the other! No mess while I’m driving!”

She seemed really pleased with herself, but it did leave me with what looking question:

Is there a third hand that I don't know about? Can she drive with her knees?? These are the questions that plague my soul...

Is there a third hand that I don’t know about? Can she drive with her knees?? These are the questions that plague my soul…

How does she hold onto the wheel??

 

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