Tag Archives: awkward

Because In Middle School, Everyone’s Soul Is a Black Abyss

1 Feb

Earlier last August, my brother entered middle school, and it was around this time that he decided that he was G—yeah, he’s gangsta’. Apparently, though, you don’t have be a thug to be gangsta’ anymore.

If my brother is anything to go by, the process of become a legit gangsta’ is something like this:

1. Buy some expensive clothes that are big enough to fit the bear at your local zoo.

2. Put the clothes on the bear—hope he doesn’t rip them—and let him wear them for a few days.Why My Brother is G

3. Take the clothes back (Oh, and if you wanna seem extra legit, let the bear hit you a couple of times and tell everyone you got in a fight).

4. Wear the clothes.

5. Abandon all concepts of grammar and utilize some gangsta’ colloquialisms (ex. Homie, legit, fo’ realz, hustla, crib, etc.)

6. Randomly punch something (like a wall or a human), just to let people know that you’re serious.

On some level though, I can understand this. Middle school is crap. It’s crap for everyone. There’s something about it that makes us try to fit an image and fail misarably.

I was a nerdy kid in middle school with a fierce obsession with Harry Potter and Buffy the Vampire Slayer—but I would’ve jumped at the chance to be considered gangsta’. But as things were, I just did my best to be Buffy. Sure, I didn’t have tight clothes, but I did have black clothes. Same Thing, right?

Why I was Buffy

I could have been a vampire slayer

Fo’ Realz.

I noticed too, that a similar phenomena occurred to many of the other girls:

Why I went to school with JLo

I figure if my idol was Buffy, their makeup and skimpy outfits must mean they wanted to be JLo

So, I reasoned Josh’s strange behavior and wardrobe choices are likely because of this:

Why My brother is so gangsta'

T-Pain: one of my brother's many idols.

Clearly, this is the only reasonable explanation.

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