Tag Archives: student

I Have a Type Of Illness Known as “College”: A Procrastination Induced Post

6 Apr

NOTE: When re-reading this post, I noticed that there is a lot of economics-jargon-stuff in here. If you aren’t an econ major and don’t know what any particular work means, replace that word withPanda. It’ll make just as much sense and be 10x as funny.

Within the next week I have my senior thesis for my economics major due. Since there’s only a week left to finish it, I’m at a point where I can no longer pretend that watching videos of econ-raps and reading through “Economists Do It With Models” count as writing the essay.

I’ve been studying this stuff for so long—and, for the last month, so intensely—that I started applying basic economics to random situations… or maybe I’m just going insane.

For example, when walking to Starbucks, I saw a shop that has a broken window… I thought of
this video I saw in one of my classes.

I’m also taking a class in Old English Literature, and came up with a payoff matrix to describe a pre-battle dialogue…

Yeah, this isn't exactly how it went down, but it was a good excuse to draw a viking 😀
Oh, and in the payoff-chart-matrix-thing, most of the numbers are random, though I always assumed that if a battle occured, the vicking would win. The have some epic beards. Their victory is inevitable.

I overheard a girl on the bus telling her friend, “Well, Walmart’s a monopoly, and it forces all the small businesses in the area to close”… and it took a lot of effort not to cry. I figure that the frustration I felt due to her conversation was a negative externality and, to make her internalize this externality, I should make her give me a dollar.

I think I am going insane, though. I’ll probably ask a psychology-major-friend about it. It seems like loosely applying economics to everything I see should be a symptom of something. Maybe it’s rabies. Or mad cow disease… but I’ll leave all the diagnosing to my not-yet-a-doctor-friends.

I also noticed that the quality of my diet seems inversely related to the quantity of school work that I need to do. Since I’m avoiding my essay, I’ve made a chart:

Once the semester starts, the quantity of work I have to do is directly related to the number of pancakes I consume and inversely related to the quality of food I eat (because of all the pancakes).

The whiny voice of the economist that lives in my head reminds me that ‘correlation does not imply causation’— but, in this case, one defiantly causes the other.

Now that I’m thinking about it, I think I know what’s wrong.

I’m suffering from a psychological illness known as “college”. It’s a simple illness that drags you from points of calmness to points of extreme stress spontaneously across a two to four year period.  They say this illness makes you smart, but, really, it just makes you the same type of crazy as everybody else in your chosen industry.

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